Talking to yourself is perfectly normal — but interestingly, how you talk to yourself matters. Cleveland Clinic Wellness cites a recent study in which participants were reminded of an upsetting situation and then asked to talk to themselves silently. One group was told to talk to themselves in the first person (“Why do I feel like this?”), while the other used the third person (“Why does Linda feel like this?”).

Cleveland Clinic Wellness reports:

In both experiments, participants were hooked up to machines that monitored brain activity. When people talked to themselves in the third person, activity in emotion-related areas of the brain decreased — suggesting that this kind of self-talk is calming and helps us manage our feelings. Talking in the first person didn’t have the same effect. Why the difference? It may be that talking to yourself in the third person, the way you would talk to a friend, gives you a bit of healthy emotional distance and helps you see the situation more objectively. The result: more kindness and compassion.

That little bit of distance could really help! If you’re stressed out or mad at yourself, stop and ask whether you’d come down as hard on another person as you do on yourself. You might be surprised at how useful it is to give yourself a break.